Ponderings

I often get caught by a phrase in something I’ve read and sucked down the rabbit hole of contemplation. Several things snagged me this week that I think are worth passing on:

• “Look in the eyes”—I read an article about coming to terms with aging on a women’s site focused on health and beauty. The article suggested that instead of looking in the mirror and cataloging flaws, that you look into the eyes of the person who occupies that face—just like you’d do when talking with a friend. We accept how our friends look and seldom notice a new wrinkle unless they point it out. What a shift in perspective when you look in your own eyes and focus on the person you are instead of the packaging!
• “Use it or lose it”—Another article I read about writing talked about the muse. The author of the article suggested that when we repeatedly reject ideas that are fed to us that part of the brain that generates ideas starts to shut down and dry up. I thought of the participants who start out in my Life Stories class. Many are reluctant to write, finding excuses such as “My life is ordinary” or “I’m no writer.” After several weeks of encouragement the stream of memory starts flowing and they have more stories than they have time to tell them. I thought, too, about other parts of our brain and wondered if we are unconsciously shutting them down. What about the part of our brain that is awed by the tiny details of life around us like a child’s brain does when it’s first exploring the world? What about the part of our brain that decides what it wants from a host of available options? What happens to that part of the brain when AI-generated algorithms decide for us and eliminate other possibilities? What about the part of our brain that rules compassion when we surround ourselves with people just like us and refuse to consider different realities? (I could go on. I warned you, it was a rabbit hole!)
• “Meet yourself where you are”—This morning I read a Brevity Blog written by Lisa Cooper Ellison who hooked me with her idea of “meeting yourself where you are.” She said: “Many of us divorce ourselves from our experiences, so that our outward appearance aligns with others’ expectations. Hoping to be seen as successful, eager, and happy, we buy into the traps of busyness, binge-worthy shows, and scrollaxing on social media because it’s safer than facing the truth: Sometimes we are hungry, lonely, tired, grieving, or otherwise experiencing things counter to what our professional profiles or other people’s social media feeds suggest are acceptable.” How many times have I found it easier to answer “fine” when asked how I am, than risk the other person’s reaction to the whiny truth? I often hide alone at home when I’m feeling needy in an attempt to appear together and not make anyone else uncomfortable. I watched a two-year old throw a snotty fit in the grocery store today. Her mom averted her eyes, but said to me, “It’s past her naptime.” I envied the little girl for having the license to let it all out. Now excuse me. I’m overdue for a tantrum!