50…Minus a Few

We’ve reached the age where many of our friends are celebrating their golden anniversaries with parties thrown by their adult children or by taking exotic, once-in-a-lifetime trips to celebrate. I’m envious, sad and wistful. Today WOULD have been our 50th anniversary, if I hadn’t given him 10 years off for bad behavior. Our story starts on February 1, 1966:

The Meeting — He was an undergrad at MIT home on break. I was a Freshman at Washington U in St. Louis, who had just broken up with a hometown love. The call came to the dorm. “Looking for a short girl willing to go on a blind date.” I was in.

The Engagement and Wedding — He was a grad student at Washington U. I had flunked out and returned home. He pursued. We were engaged on January 17, 1968 and married on March 30th of that year. Fast work!

Early years — One son born July 1969, husband got his M.S. and enlisted in the Navy, we lived in St. Louis, IL, RI, CA and on Midway Island. Second son born June 1971, lived in St. Louis again, Cincinnati, St. Petersburg FL, Plano TX. I returned to college and finished my B.S. and M.A. We did a great job of raising our kids and running a household.

Divorce — Here’s where it gets messy. No one I know who has been divorced, can tell a clear story of what really happened. We’re no exception. Best I can ever do is, “It was complicated. We failed.” I believe that people who claim to understand exactly what happened, are simplifying things out of denial, blame or guilt. We were divorced February 9, 1991.

The Break — He had a thing with a divorced neighbor. I had a thing with my old, hometown love. But those years weren’t about the relationships with other people. They were about our relationship with self, about finally growing up. Those were the hardest ten years of my life and fodder for many more life stories. I learned what it was to be alone and eventually got comfortable with my own company. I got serious about my career and gained confidence through accomplishment. I learned that I didn’t need a man in my life and he learned that he wanted a woman in his. We were always connected via our family. I lived in WA, IL,  AZ, NC, DE, TX and MD. He lived in TX, NC and MD. 

Do-Over — We had grandkids. We had history. We mellowed. We realized that nobody else in the world could be as good a fit as we were for each other. We are quirky. We remarried on October 7, 2000 in a tiny stone chapel in MD. Our sons walked me down the aisle and we were joined by family and close friends. We even had the same best man and matron of honor from the first time around. He lost his job in 2002 and retired early. We moved to WA. I retired in 2012. We moved to WI in 2014 to be closer to family.

The Next Chapter — Who knows what fate has in store for us, but if we are in charge, there will be more good times with family and friends and a deep appreciation for the interesting, but convoluted, path of our life together. I think we will celebrate!