Who do?

Do you remember the old Frank Sinatra refrain, “you do that voodoo that you do so well”? Well somebody out there is practicing on me.

Since I returned to Wisconsin from Arizona on May 8 I’ve had a wellness visit with my GP, routine lab work, a consult with a gastroenterologist in preparation for a colonoscopy in August, two visits with a pain management doc, a dentist appointment, five visits to the chiropractor, an MRI and an appointment with the dermatologist for my annual full body scan. I still have an appointment with an audiologist, a mammogram, a bone scan and a visit with my oncologist to look forward to next month.

The pain doc, chiropractor and MRI are related to the auto accident I experienced in February of this year. I do daily exercises prescribed by my physical therapist in Arizona and use ice and heat on my neck and back most days. I had the MRI on Wednesday and I’m still waiting on results to determine future treatment. For now I have a tentative appointment on the 27th for a cortisone shot in my neck.

I went to the dermatologist on Thursday with no concerns. I left with a spot on my nose zapped with liquid nitrogen and a nickel-sized lesion removed from my right calf to be biopsied. It’s bandaged and wrapped. I was told to keep the leg elevated as much as possible and to forego my morning walks for several days. Boo!

Let me be clear that I don’t see any of my issues as life-threatening, nor do I claim to suffer on a daily basis like many of my friends do. But, darn, I feel like I am falling apart. I don’t like a calendar full of medical appointments, nor do I like waiting for the results of tests that could require additional treatment. I have one of those plastic pill boxes bigger than my purse full of the prescription meds that I need to remember to take each day.

I feel old and frail and whiny—not my self image.

I got an invitation in the mail this afternoon with a bold headline of “Imagine a life with less pain.” The offer included a “free gourmet dinner” in a local restaurant. I was invited to hear a program about the “latest techniques and advancements in regenerative care.” I Googled. It’s a scam, of course, targeting senior citizens to sell stem cell therapy. I’m feeling ornery enough to sign up and be the old lady of their nightmares.

I’m tired of it all. If anyone out there knows how to lift the voodoo spell of aging, please let me know. Right now I’m considering a different kind of needling—acupuncture—for my various ailments. At this point, it couldn’t hurt. Right? Right?